On Being a Mother

So today was Mother's Day. We actually celebrated mostly last night as I got my presents and we ate crab. I love crab. I love that they put it on sale for Mother's Day. They must know me. Randy fed into my obsession with cookbooks by buying me a ton of them. I am going to have some fun this summer experimenting. I don't even know which one will be my new favorite. (Although one of them is Alton Brown's cookbook. I am so excited about that one. I am a HUGE Alton Brown fan and have been for years.)
I was reflecting today on a Mother's day that must have taken place about 8 years ago. I had many expectations (not unreasonable to me) of having a relaxing soak in the tub, and then a leisurely getting ready for afternoon church and a nice day relaxing. I can't even remember what went wrong that day: whether it was illness, contention or what, but I do remember venting to my online looper friends about the crappy Mother's day I had had. One of those loopers, who was not able at the time to have children, lit into me about my bad attitude when some people would at least like to be able to have children. I have thought about that experience a lot since then. See, here is my deal. We each have things in our lives that make us happy and sad. We all have trials. My trials are not the same as your trials. Sometimes we have trials that are similar, but because we are different individuals we may not have the same experience in those trials. To try to equate or qualify our trials as better or worse than anyone else's might be doing ourselves a disservice. I mean, sure, she wasn't able to have children which was a huge deal. I get it. But to not even attempt to sympathize with someone having a bad day because you see your life as somewhat worse is not only not fair, but is kind of self absorbed. I think the worst trial we have to deal with in life is competitions and enmity. Trying to say that my day was better or worse than yours, or that my life is better or worse than yours, or that my kids are better or worse than yours is bogus. Life is what we have and it is what we make it. This year I have been trying to look into what it means to be humble, and the first quality you have to develop is the quality of being non-judgmental. That means that you can't say your life is any better or worse than mine, because you haven't lived in my skin. When someone is having a bad day, it doesn't make them feel any better to tell them that they have no reason to complain.
This dear soul has since had the opportunity to be a mother; she has adopted 4 darling children. It hasn't been easy for her. I wonder if she has had a less than perfect Mother's Day yet.... Does she dare complain about it if she does?
The biggest lesson I learned from that experience (my Bad Mother's Day) was not to expect anything from days like Mother's day. That way every gift, token or rememberence you get is like getting a tremendous bonus.
Another thing I have been thinking about is a study they talked about in the news recently that said that parents might be less happy than non-parents. I think this might be bogus. I think non-parents haven't been subjected to the pains of parenthood, therefore, according to the laws of opposition, they might not have experienced the intense joy that parenthood can give. Ashley has written me probably 5 to 10 notes on how much she loves me. Danny told me that my gift for Mother's Day was him. My son, who is in Haiti, and who hasn't really been talking to us for a little while wished me a Happy Mother's Day over Facebook. My Son-in-law sent me a little message too. Even though my hubby is gone to Boston for the week, he made sure that my house was clean for this day. My cup runneth over.