It's time I blogged again, and I think that some of my blog should be dedicated to my wonderful son Ted who is currently serving a full time mission for our church in the Family History Library on Temple Square in Salt Lake City. Ted has a form of high-functioning autism called "Asperger's Syndrome," and for awhile it was a question as to whether he would be able to serve a mission or not. I have friends that even 5 years ago wanted to send their sons on a mission but were not able to because of this condition. One of these young men was told he could work in the MTC in the laundry, but when you look at the disorder, which often causes those who have it to be sensitive to noise, smells, lights and so forth, it was an inappropriate place for him to serve and his plans went up in laundry dust so to speak. Because of their problems, Randy and I began to look into what our options would be starting back 5 years ago. It seemed such a shame to me to tell a worthy young man who all of his life had been told that worthy young men should go on missions that they couldn't go because of this disorder. When Ted found out that he might not be able to serve, he was devastated. He did everything to keep himself clean (even to the point of not even thinking of girls because as he told me, he didn't want anything to keep him from being able to serve a mission) and worthy to go and it looked like his hopes would be dashed.
The problem with sending a young man with Asperger's on a regular full time mission is that a lot of them don't drive, some (like Ted) can't ride bikes because of balance issues, some of them suffer from anxiety but mostly they suffer from a lack of social skills. The reason they lack social skills is often due to heightened senses which can often cause overloads on their systems. I mean, think about it, if you were in a room full of flashing images, loud noises, strong smells, itchy clothing and were only given things of strange texture to eat, you might pull into yourself too. They have problems relating to other people, and often problems with empathy. They are also quirky to the extreme. Many of them think in pictures, not in words which changes the way they interact with the world. Some of them have enormous intellects, and are able to memorize facts or even dialogues from books or TV that they spend their time fascinated with. Often they will approach people who they may or may not know and start a conversation about something they are thinking about without even checking to see if the person is following what they're talking about or even able to pay attention. THEY HAVE ISSUES. Okay? But that doesn't mean they are not willing or able to serve, learn and grow on a mission.
So on to Ted's amazing adventure. When he turned 17, the bishop started talking about Ted going on a mission and we discussed what we knew then about the chance that he might not be able to serve. The bishop (who is amazing) couldn't believe that they wouldn't let a great kid like Ted serve. As the time drew closer for Ted to be eligible to serve a mission, the stake president interviewed Ted. He told us he had never met a "purer" person, and that he thought that Ted should be allowed to serve a mission. They set up an appointment with LDS Social Services to have Ted evaluated. I spoke to a very nice counselor about Ted. There were some problems that Ted had faced since graduating from high school, such as an inability to find a job (partly due to the job market at the time and partly due to his lack of job finding skills) and his discomfort with new places and people. Even Ted could see that serving a mission would be challenging for him. The counselor recommend some kind of service mission where Ted could live at home for and build up some skills in dealing with other people, but because of the experiences I had heard about in the past, I was ready to say that Ted would absolutely not be a good candidate for MTC laundry or working in the Bishop's storehouse as a box loader. He has too fine of a mind for that and it would just end up stagnating him. Putting him in an environment where he wouldn't be developing people skills was NOT AN OPTION! We suggested the Family History Center, and in April of 2010 Ted became a Family History missionary in Mesa. He learned a lot over the course of the 8 months he served there, but we (his parents, the bishop and the stake president) were always convinced that this was temporary, and that Ted had bigger fish to fry. He did become more independent while he worked there, learning to work the bus system and taking care of getting himself up and ready to go every morning. He was also responsible for his own laundry, for his schedule as sometimes they worked on Saturdays or they went to the temple those days, and the social atmosphere was great for him. He made many new friends and did a really good job there. The only problem was that because he was still living at home, he was still living much of the same life as he had before with the exception of certain movies or TV shows that he was prohibited from watching. He was beginning to kind of stagnate there, not really growing as he needs to to become a mature, functioning, independent adult. We spoke again with the bishop who in turn spoke with the stake president and they went into stage two of Ted's mission experience. They had found out that there was a full-time family history mission opportunity that sounded perfect for Ted. All of the elders serving there had either some form of autism or some other condition that precluded them from serving as a full time proselytizing missionary. However it was much more of a mission experience as the boys live away from home, in apartments with the responsibility to really take care of themselves, cooking and cleaning and depending on each other much as any other full time missionary would do. My bishop and stake president really went the extra mile to get Ted accepted into this mission as they are very protective of it and only want truly serious elders who are really wanting to serve there. He was called in November and he entered the full-time mission field last Friday.
It was hard for Ted. He was very nervous about it. He doesn't cope well with transition. But he prayed about it and felt like it was what he was supposed to do. We took him up to Utah and he got to say good-bye to his family there. He relaxed a little bit there and then we dropped him off with his senior companion. We were treated to a short meeting with the coordinators and the elders and got to say our last good-bye for two years.
I wanted to blog about this because I really wanted to express my feelings about this mission and what I believe it will do for Ted. One of the first things we noticed when we met some of the elders (district leaders) who were facilitating their entry into their apartments was how happy and competent they seemed. All of the elders who serve in that mission are boys like Ted; and yet they have them serving as trainers, district leaders, assistants to the president; everything you would do in a regular full-time mission. There was an overwhelming feeling of joy and happiness that radiated out of these amazing young men who had been serving. You could tell they felt valued and trusted as servants of the Lord. I was really very worried about sending Ted away; I had been his ambassador to the world for a long, long time, and I knew that the hardest transition for him would be leaving me, his main support system. I expected to be somewhat sad and depressed to leave my boy, as I will (and do) miss him fiercely. But sitting there in that place with that overwhelming feeling of joy and the rightness of it, I could not feel sad. I know without a shadow of a doubt that Ted is in the exact right place right now, doing things that will make it possible for him to have a very successful and HAPPY life. I am so grateful for my church for coming up with such a wonderful opportunity for these boys. You could tell that the couples that work with those young men know what they're doing, and that they love the young men they are working with. I felt that Ted will be showered with blessings, so much that we will hardly be able to comprehend what the Lord will do for him for his willingness to serve. I wrote this posting for other parents who might have questions about how this all came about and how to get their sons help. If you have questions that you would like to ask me, feel free to send me an email or a message. mommabees@q.com.
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